Where is this life heading?

Hmm, today I had several things that made me think of the content of this very post.

 

First I started reading at One To The Nth Power Square1's most recent post which made me think a lot about myself, because several things she was writing about are things I know very well myself, like having a hard time to communicate with people who are around me all the time, whereas it seems much easier to me to talk to people I barely know, and to tell them how I feel and what moves me or upsets me. I know I am in a different position than she is in, simply because I am not married, I am not even in a relationship, I don't have kids who need me.

 

The second thing that made me write this was caused by my very shallow sleep last night, that gave me the feeling I had not slept at all, the only reason I know that I did sleep was that time passed more quickly than it would have if I had been awake... when I woke up to get ready to work I turned on the computer to wake up, and a friend of mine I chat with on a regular basis was still up so we started a conversation, and I told her of that night, and she asked me if I was stressed by something. Not that I was aware of, but then the thought, that I don't really know what I want of my life, and that as soon as I come up with something that I might really want, something that would get me all enthusiastic, I ask myself, if I really want that, if I could really get to that point, and if I even got there, what then?

 

I know these questions are not necessary at all, since I stop myself from ever getting where I might want to be. This all sounds real pathetic to me when I talk about it, but for some weird reason I have not found a way to deal with that problem yet...

• Should I just go for whatever I feel the strongest urge for?
• Or should I find out the reasons why something seem appealing to me? And even if I do so, is this going to help me find out what I really want to do?

One thing I know is that I have to get some more discipline into my life and get myself more organized. This is one of the things I am aware of. But sometimes I feel like I don't see a reason to get my life organized, when I was working as a nanny I was pretty good at keeping my own life and the life of the family I was working for as far organized as it was possible in my position.